Before I go any further, let me tell you why I'm uniquely qualified to help you with this.
For the past 25 years, I've specialized in helping people recover from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I've worked with thousands of clients from around the world, and I've seen every pattern, every manipulation tactic, and every stage of recovery.
But it wasn't until I started working specifically with men that I realized something shocking: Men who get involved with female narcissists face unique challenges that almost nobody talks about.
Society tells you to "man up" and move on. Your friends don't understand why you can't just forget her. Even therapists often miss the complexity of what you're dealing with because they've been trained to recognize abuse patterns that typically affect women.
I remember one client—let's call him David—who came to me completely broken. He was a successful engineer, respected in his field, confident in every area of his life except relationships.
He told me: "Lise, I honestly don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I'm losing my sense of self. My whole life revolves around trying to understand what happened to me."
David had been with a woman who, at first, made him feel like he was the center of her universe. The connection seemed incredibly deep and sincere. Everything felt so real, natural, and effortless.
But then came the sudden shift. Her idealization swiftly turned to devaluation, leaving him stunned and unsure how to react. One moment, she seemed loving and attentive, but the next, she was distant, angry, and frustrated, leaving him feeling blindsided.
When she finally left, David felt empty. Everything reminded him of her. He missed her. He couldn't stop thinking about her, replaying conversations, wondering if any of it was real.
Sound familiar?
David's story is the story of thousands of men I've worked with. Men who are intelligent, successful, and emotionally aware, but who got caught in a psychological trap that nobody prepared them for.